dear everyone who reads my posts: if you still give a shit.......... :)
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just another xmas eve
I'm gonna finish this article asap because I've got too much to do!lol I have to clean the house, do the laundry, go to the bookshop, go to dad's office to get my stuff printed out,,, and I'm attending the year end party tonight;P
★I GOT THE OFFER FROM THE UNI,,,!! That's good and all, but now so many things are driving me nuts. My visa expires on March so I need to obtain a new one. Getting visa is the most annoying part in the whole studying abroad stuff. Just so you know, Japanese people are so lucky because everyone in the world just loves Japanese passports and you guys don't need to be frustrated by the whole visa probs!!:P And after I got my visa (still don't know how long it'll take. last time it took more than 3 fucking months..), I gotta find a place to live in Syd. To be honest, I'm still considering about accomodation in the uni campus just for the freshman year... I know it's difficult to get a room though. Sigh.
★My job is going great so far. They are all kind to me and the job is not hard at all. It's even boring sometimes, which is good.haha The only problem is that I don't like the uniform... but anyway, I'll stop giving a shit about the uniform.lol And another problem... I kinda lied to get the job... I said I'm going to work until March, but of course, the uni starts on February so there's no way I'm staying until March. And I kinda lied about myself, so I have to made things up everytime they ask me about myself....... but lying is a part of business right? Okay, I'm feeling a bit guilty. But just this time, I didn't wanna be a victim because of who I am.
★Somebody pls tell me how to stop tumblr-ing. Well, I don't really post photos or something... I just go to tumblr and collect more than 50 images everyday!lol I put the imgs into my ipod so I can watch them wherever I go and get inspired... I know how it sounds, but it's actually like reading magazines;P
see how fucked up we are..
It's true. We are all so fucked up right now. I don't wanna think about what's gonna happen next and I don't even know if something is actually going to happen. S is already in Korea I guess,,, D must be having fun in Arizonna, L is going back to her home country with her guy, and here we are left behind...lol Anyway, I have no idea what we are going to do. L says she might not gonna come back to AUS next year if she couldn't get any offers,,, and if she's not coming back, what am I supposed to do!!!!!!?:(((( By the way E is kinda ignoring me and I don't know why... or maybe there's just something wrong with his computer(?) and for "..." ugh I don't wanna talk about him... It's making me insane...
Anyway, the restaurant owner has just called me and I got the joooooobbb!!:D yay I can finally get out of the house at night without my mother dearest asking me where I'm heading!lol The job starts on Saturday and yeah, for the rest of 2 months, I'm gonna put the fake smile on my face and act like a total idiot!lol The owner said my smile is so great yesterday and today when she called me, she kept saying that,,, haha ya I know, I know how great my smile is! I've just decided to become stupid and happy, so I was just laughing too much during the job interview... Maybe she thinks I'm retarded or high though...
12 hours till i get totally fucked up.
So tomorrow the exam results will come out and I'm gonna get amazingly fucked up! When others ask me if I'm nervous, I say Yes I am nervous because I have a job interview tomorrow. Yes, I'll be having my fucking job interview tomorrow, which hopefully will distract me from my exam results.
"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad’s shoulders were the highest place on earth and mum was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn’t make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn’t wait to grow."
I RELAPSED. I NEED YOUR HELP.
Sorry guys, seems I haven't been able to update my blog for a while...(I'm tweeting so much though.lol)
I know if I say I have issues, you'd say so does everyone, and I totally understand it because it's true. I'm not talking about my issues here (or anywhere else). All I want to say is that I relapsed. I'm fucking doing these stupid things again and I'm hating myself for it. I so need to talk to Lilian. I need her help. She's the only one who knows what I'm thinking every fucking day and how much I need distractions. Last month we talked for hours every night in our dorm and I'm missing those days. I wanna tell her that I relapsed and I need her help. But she's so far away, so I'll just go online and talk with her about some stupid random shit, not about my relapse. It's okay because just by talking with her, I can feel better:)
So here are some things I try to do when I relapse (or when I'm about to..)
-Cleaning our house. But I cannot do this anymore because our house is clean enough since my relapse is happening for several days already.
-Working all day long. Ya, I'm starting another job hunting on Monday:P
-Tumblr-ing. This is not bad but my eyes are burning, so I gotta stop...
-Sitting there doing nothing. Sometimes this actually works, but it sounds so pathetic, so I'm not gonna do this anymore.........
-Going out, wandering around. This works the best, but I'm tried of my mum asking me where I was everytime.. Well she doesn't mind where I go at all(she always lets me do whatever I want), but sometimes I just don't even want to say a word.
have you ever loved&missed someone so much that you see that someone in your dreams almost every fking night?
I know that I need to stop thinking and leave everything behind but I just can't. So I'm trying to remember, I'm trying so hard, to remember everything we've been through together. I thought it was easier to forget everything so that it doesn't hurt anymore, but I noticed forgetting things doesn't work at all, so here I am, trying to remember those memories, because good memories are good memories. I shouldn't forget them, right? Is it crazy that I see him in my dreams almost every night? It's been 3 weeks since we said goodbye. (Not literally though, because we did not actually say the word goodbye, we just left without saying that much) On January or Feburary, we'll know our test results and whether or not we are going to the same university. So I bet I won't be able to give him up until then. Ya, I'm stuck until then:( It might be easier if he just blows me off, but he even gave me his pin numbers to keep them safe. The pin numbers that I can get access to his personal info including passport details, uni application and stuff. (omg I'm feeling like his mum...) It's making it hard for me to let go..
nothing left to figure out but i don't think i will ever break through the ghost of u